St. Dickeybird the Blasphemous

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

posted by St. Dickeybird @ 7:27 PM |

Surprise Move

I've had enough of Blogger.com messing me around, causing problems because they won't allow me to switch to Beta.
So I've set up a new, "improved" blog at www.dickeybird.blogspot.com.
Hopefully this will stop my problems.
... at least my writing-related ones.

Please re-link me. I need your attention or I'll whither away to nothingness.

posted by St. Dickeybird @ 12:02 PM |

Unfair

There's a guy that sits a few desks away from me.
He's one of those rare people that is always nice, always has a good joke, is always ready to help, etc.etc. One of those people that you can't trust because nobody can be that good.

Three weeks ago, his long-time girlfriend left him for someone else.
The weekend before last, his mother had a stroke and died.
Last weekend, his grandmother had a fatal heart attack.

Obviously right now he's a complete basket-case, and I doubt we'll see him for a few weeks.

How can one person get all that shit shovelled on them at once????
Experiences like this add to my disbelief in a higher power. No entity could be cruel enough to pile this onto one person. And that goes for "karma" too.

Really, What The Fuck????

posted by St. Dickeybird @ 7:43 AM |

Polluted

Friday night’s company party was a nightmare.
In past years, we got 2 drink tickets to tide us over for a couple of hours, and then the reams of freebees came out and we would drink until we could drink no more. This year, we got 2, and that was it! Unfortunately, most people didn’t bring money, assuming we wouldn’t need it. So most people left the party early. Those who stayed, shouldn’t have. Myself, I carried or helped 4 or 5 people into cabs! One poor woman was crying by the coat-check. When I asked what was wrong, she answered “they didn’t like my dancing.” What the hell did I miss????
I got hit on a couple of times by drunken messes, but not by anyone embarrassing this time. However, I did see a few “coupled” people making out with coworkers…

The DJ sucked ass, but unfortunately not literally.

I drank too much, but not enough to cause a hangover.

Saturday’s wedding was great, though. The wedding party set up a hilarious phony "A&E Biography" of the couple that needs to be released professionally. Or at least YouTubed! Again, the DJ wasn’t great, but everything else was hilarious. And for the first time since my teens, I saw someone throw up at a wedding. Well, I didn’t see it, but I saw him after he did it, and it was quite obvious. And one of the guys who'd been having the StarWars arguement at the stag party approached me, smiling. "You blogged about my Starwars diatribe????" I don't know if he was flattered, embarrassed, or both. But it should have been both.
A good time had by all.

Sunday I was actually hung over. I think it was just a combination of two nights of chainsmoking and drinking waaay too much. I think I’m developing a tolerance again though, as I didn’t really get overly pissed on either night.
But the day was spent with emergency stops in too many scuzzy bathrooms. I won't be indulging this way much longer. After the New Year, I promise...

posted by St. Dickeybird @ 7:55 AM |

Finish The Sentences...

I stole this from The Freak Magnet.

1. I've come to realize that my family...
- is hobbling along on the verge of insanity.
2. I am listening to...
- Peter Gabriel - Signal To Noise
3. I talk...
- too much.
4. I love...
- too many things and people to mention.
5. My best friend...
- keeps me on my toes.
6. My first kiss was...
- in grade one, when I was half-naked, with a girl 4 years older than myself. Myself then, that is. Not myself now - that would have been scary!
7. I lost my virginity...
- very, very enthusiastically.
8. I hate it when people...
- don’t use common sense.
9. Love is...
- sexy.
10. Marriage is...
- many, many things.
11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...
- that I’m an idiot.
12. I'll always...
- cause a commotion, I hope.
13. I have a secret crush on...
- my right hand.
14. The last time I cried was because...
- a boy in my class sucker-punched me. I was eleven.
15. My cell phone...
- is embarrassingly ancient.
16. When I wake up in the morning...
- I’ve already been out of bed for at least 30 minutes.
17. Before I go to sleep at night...
- I neurotically make sure my front door is locked.
18. Right now I am thinking about...
- sex. Naughty, messy, dirty sex.
19. Babies are...
- strange things that look like they’ve been boiled for too long.
20. I get on myspace....
- because I’m self-obsessed.
21. Today I...
- froze as I walked to the train station.
22. Tonight I will...
- fall asleep in a taxi.
23. Tomorrow I will...
- apologize for staggering loudly into the house and waking up my wife.
24. I really want...
- to lose weight, after reading that 30lbs can add an inch...
25. The person who most likely to repost this is...
- a plagiarist.

posted by St. Dickeybird @ 3:02 PM |

Friday Night Lights-out

Tonight is my company’s Xmas party. And for the third of my 4 Christmases here, I’m going.
I never want to go, but I always end up having a good time once I'm there.

I work in an IT department of about 300 people, and computer geeks are notoriously socially inept. Too many of them work on computers all day, and go home to do the same. So their social skills aren’t there. And neither is their tolerance for alcohol.
This can be a very entertaining combination as the night goes on.

The first year, I took my very unstable girlfriend, who nearly punched out a Senior Manager for gawking at her ample, low-cut-topped, breasts all night. I couldn’t blame him – she had a cute tattoo right between them. Besides, they were very nice tits.
Someone was spiking drinks that night. I blacked out after only 5 or 6 beers, and don’t remember leaving, telling off coworkers, having an elevator race, throwing up all over her bed, or meeting her roommate as I lay naked in their hallway.
Another coworker got rowdy, and called a large bouncer a N**ger. With executive approval, he was removed by the bar staff and turned up awfully bruised.

Last year, Wifezilla was introduced as my fiancée, which was greeted by loud, vocal, skepticism by the group of gay coworkers.
I met one of the VPs husbands, who commented “oh yes, she’s mentioned you.” I nearly asked him if she referred to me as ‘Cougarbait’ at home as well. Instead I spilled beer down myself and lit the filter of my cigarette instead.
I also watched two unmarried women nearly get into a hair-and-claws fight over one of their dates… One of my coworkers had his face in the toilet after 3 beers…
And there is a photograph of me inserting a $5 bill into my old boss’ waistband as she danced in front of my seat.

This year I’m going alone. And I’m determined not to drink much, as Wifezilla and I are going to a wedding tomorrow and I don’t want to look like a stylish, together guy with head-transplant…

But I’m going unaccompanied, and without wifely restraint, there is a slight chance that I’ll be shitfaced by 10pm…

posted by St. Dickeybird @ 7:58 AM |

HNT - Right Forearm

This tattoo was a piece of Mohawk warpaint. I saw a photo of a Mohawk warrior and thought "wow, that would make an amazing tattoo!" My tattooist saw the same photo, without me, and thought "wow, that would make an amazing tattoo for Matt!"
It was originally a chest and shoulder piece, but we redesigned it for my arm because my shoulders were already inked.






I try to see this tattoo as a reminder to remain strong and not buckle under pressure. Most of the time, I just think of it as pretty decoration. And I love how the triangles bend with the twist of my wrist, lining up with various points on my hand, depending on the position.



And the hatchet set in the ditch of my elbow really, really hurt.

posted by St. Dickeybird @ 7:47 AM |

Bitch X Returns

I saw BitchX yesterday.
BitchX is an old, screwed up girlfriend. We broke up in 2002, after living together for 2 years. I felt guilty about the harsh breakup, and helped her a lot, as she’d helped me during our relationship.
I gave her money, emotional support, encouragement when she quit drinking, helped her move a few times, etc. etc. etc.
One day, I found her blog. She’d been stabbing me in the back, saying all sorts of nasty, hypocritcal things about me. So she’s now named BitchX.

When we were together, she pretended to be a firm, strong woman who eschewed traditional relationships and ideas. In reality, she was a frail, insecure alcoholic poseur who wanted the “white picket fence, 2 cars and 2.5 kids” life. And generally a naïve, 2-faced idiot.

I haven’t seen her since we stopped being friends, and I’m still angry about how things ended. The only thing I ever need from my friends is loyalty. To be treated like that, after what I did for her, is inexcusable.
So I’ve been dying to run into her for the last year. She’d wanted to marry me, according to her friends, but wouldn’t admit it. I refused to marry, as at the time it was a strictly hetero thing, which I found terribly offensive.
Now I want to talk to her, just to tell her that I’m married! That I found someone worthy of my husbandry. That it wasn’t her.

I saw her yesterday, but didn’t have a chance to speak. She was riding her bike through the crowd at Yonge and Adelaide streets. Cutting off pedestrians, she was getting shouted at by a few people. And she just peddled along, mumbling something.

I laughed. ‘Cause I’m a vindictive bitch who likes it when those who hurt get hurt.

9:42am: My coworker who was with me at the time just told me that he saw her after work yesterday, and she was giving him a funny look. He figures that she probably saw me (for the first time in about 2 years) and lost control of her bike!
Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

posted by St. Dickeybird @ 7:46 AM |

Auto Erotic

Yesterday, Wifezilla bought a new car. We decided on a Honda CRV, because they're cute, and the local Honda dealership has given fantastic service throughout the life of her last car. Which is being passed down to me.
What this means mostly is that I won't have to cross the Arctic Tundra on my morning walk from home to the GO Train station in the frigid darkness of the pre-6am world.
It should also help with my isolation, as I won't be bound by Wifezilla's schedule.

And best of all, the new car should be paid off just in time to ring in the next decade!

I know this post is all Auto and no Erotic, so for the sake of completion, click here.

posted by St. Dickeybird @ 7:49 AM |